I haven't been taking part in the thankful posts on facebook this month even I am very thankful. Here is my list for today:
1) My parents. I love them and miss them deeply! Thanksgiving is going to be so weird this year.
2) My Salvation Army Family.
3) The fact that I can buy Graeters Ice Cream in South Carolina.
4) My Home Church. Your love and prayers over the years have carried me throughout the years!
5) All who have loved on me, mentored me, prayed with/for me, & encouraged me over the years. I've been so blessed by the people God has placed into my life.
6) Friends. Have I ever told you about my amazing friends? They are fantastic.
7) My Job! I'm very happy with my job situation. I can't say that always has been the case since graduating college. While I still get frustrated at things, I love what I'm doing.
8) My first corps. I love you all and still think and pray for you!
9) My current corps family. Thanks to all those who are loving on me extra this time of year.
10) And most of all, I'm thankful for my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. For loving me even when I don't love myself. For seeing value in me & challenging me to do more with my life.
Friday, November 15, 2013
Sunday, November 10, 2013
The Words of my Mouth
Picture this...
The day before Thanksgiving break. Only one class left before I can take off for a nice break from school. Normally this would be an opportunity to utilize one my skips just so I could head home early. However, on this day I had to teach the class. Class: Senior Seminar Class Size: Normally 9 but due to the upcoming holiday, 5. Topic: I can't even remember. What I do remember? Sitting in my dorm room closet, panicking and trying to calm my breathing. By the grace of God, I got through that presentation. I'm not sure how but I did.
That wasn't the first or last time I freaked out about speaking and/or reading in front of the class. So you can imagine why I'm still baffled that God has called me to do something that involves speaking in front of people. I never really had this problem when speaking to children or youth. It only manifests when I have to speak in front of peers or adults.
Thankfully, things have gotten better. Today when I stood up to deliver the message I didn't cry or panic. Even though I know I'm sharing God's Word, I still stand there in a bit of fear. I worry that the words out of my mouth will be horrible. I feel unworthy to stand in the pulpit. I hate that people are looking at me. The focus shouldn't be on me... it should be on the Cross.
Even with all these insecurities, I know that God is still going to use me. The process isn't easy for me and may scare me but God has called me to do it! I will continue to pray that He will strengthen me. (And that he gives me a spouse who enjoys preaching so I won't have to do it all the time....)
The day before Thanksgiving break. Only one class left before I can take off for a nice break from school. Normally this would be an opportunity to utilize one my skips just so I could head home early. However, on this day I had to teach the class. Class: Senior Seminar Class Size: Normally 9 but due to the upcoming holiday, 5. Topic: I can't even remember. What I do remember? Sitting in my dorm room closet, panicking and trying to calm my breathing. By the grace of God, I got through that presentation. I'm not sure how but I did.
That wasn't the first or last time I freaked out about speaking and/or reading in front of the class. So you can imagine why I'm still baffled that God has called me to do something that involves speaking in front of people. I never really had this problem when speaking to children or youth. It only manifests when I have to speak in front of peers or adults.
Thankfully, things have gotten better. Today when I stood up to deliver the message I didn't cry or panic. Even though I know I'm sharing God's Word, I still stand there in a bit of fear. I worry that the words out of my mouth will be horrible. I feel unworthy to stand in the pulpit. I hate that people are looking at me. The focus shouldn't be on me... it should be on the Cross.
Even with all these insecurities, I know that God is still going to use me. The process isn't easy for me and may scare me but God has called me to do it! I will continue to pray that He will strengthen me. (And that he gives me a spouse who enjoys preaching so I won't have to do it all the time....)
Saturday, November 02, 2013
Smart People Read
Or so I'm told...
I'm mentally getting prepared to be a student again. I like school and don't mind reading! However, the last 5ish years my reading has been mostly fluff. As much as I love my Amish romance novels & random blogs, I don't think those will be required readings in Training. My parents brought my brother down to me this week so I had them bring down my "smart people" book collection. There are a couple books I'd like to re-read and several books that I've started and never finished. (ADD brain?)
So here are my first three books:
"Helps to Holiness" By Samuel Logan Brengle (I think this one may be on the required books to read before training... if so, I'm getting a head start? More importantly, I hear it is a great book!)
"Why I am Not a Calvinist?" By Jerry L Walls & Joseph R Dongell (I originally bought this book b/c I know one of the authors and graduated college with his twins. I also thought it would give me a better insight to understanding the difference between Calvin & Wesleyan Traditions.)
"The New Rules of Lifting for Women" By Lou Schuler (All reading can't be serious... Plus, I'm going to need all the reading material I can get when I don't have cable again in the next week or so!)
What book recommendations do you have for me? Salvationist History, Theology, Fun... I take most suggestions. (I won't read the Duck Dynasty stuff b/c I've never seen the show!)
I'm mentally getting prepared to be a student again. I like school and don't mind reading! However, the last 5ish years my reading has been mostly fluff. As much as I love my Amish romance novels & random blogs, I don't think those will be required readings in Training. My parents brought my brother down to me this week so I had them bring down my "smart people" book collection. There are a couple books I'd like to re-read and several books that I've started and never finished. (ADD brain?)
So here are my first three books:
"Helps to Holiness" By Samuel Logan Brengle (I think this one may be on the required books to read before training... if so, I'm getting a head start? More importantly, I hear it is a great book!)
"Why I am Not a Calvinist?" By Jerry L Walls & Joseph R Dongell (I originally bought this book b/c I know one of the authors and graduated college with his twins. I also thought it would give me a better insight to understanding the difference between Calvin & Wesleyan Traditions.)
"The New Rules of Lifting for Women" By Lou Schuler (All reading can't be serious... Plus, I'm going to need all the reading material I can get when I don't have cable again in the next week or so!)
What book recommendations do you have for me? Salvationist History, Theology, Fun... I take most suggestions. (I won't read the Duck Dynasty stuff b/c I've never seen the show!)
Monday, October 28, 2013
Peace
I've spent a good chunk of time in the last 24 hours trying to find the tune & words to a song involving peace. My heart is overwhelmed with peace. Normally, the process of interviewing, filling out applications, & waiting for decisions would drive me batty. Instead, my heart is at rest & singing at song. (A song that I don't even know all the words to but nonetheless a song.
When I first came to terms with God calling me to officership, I did a lot of crying. My whole world was shaken. I thought my life was going to be one way and here God was calling me to do something different. It's interesting to sit back and watch how God transforms lives... mine included.
Now God is going to have to prepare my heart to say good bye to my cat for two years... I'll worry about that detail after I get word that I'm preliminary accepted.
When I first came to terms with God calling me to officership, I did a lot of crying. My whole world was shaken. I thought my life was going to be one way and here God was calling me to do something different. It's interesting to sit back and watch how God transforms lives... mine included.
Now God is going to have to prepare my heart to say good bye to my cat for two years... I'll worry about that detail after I get word that I'm preliminary accepted.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Fresh Start
Once again, I have decided to blog. Blogging/journaling has always been a great outlet for me and sometimes I just need to debrief from the crazy process that I'm currently in. So I wiped my old blog clean and made it public again.
For those of you who may not know, I am in the midst of applying to be a Salvation Army Officer. For all my non-Sallie friends, a Salvation Army officer is an ordained pastor in The Salvation Army church. (Don't give me that look like you didn't know that The Salvation Army was a church!) This weekend was the most intense part of the process. I had an interview with the LCSW who is in charge of the Coaching Action Program (CAP)(or does the P in CAP stand for Plan... not sure... it was a long weekend!). I took some psychological evals and had an interview with another psychologist.
Getting this stuff over with was important and gave me some new insight; however, God spoke to me this weekend. He reminded me of many different things but I will only take time to highlight a few.
1) He told me to start tithing again. There is a reason why I wasn't tithing and I felt it was what the Lord wanted me to do at the time but that is over. It's a very very scary thing for me to do but I will do it! I will be obedient.
2) I was reminded that my Savior can move mountains. I have a HUGE mountain standing in my way and He is going to move it! I believe it with all my heart! This is probably the boldest thing I've ever asked God to do. It gives me chills thinking about it.
3) I like stability and planning out my life. I get anxious and worried when my life is all up in the air. Now that I got this stuff done, this is becoming real to me. It will be easy for me to start worrying about the process and freak out. But I need to live in the moment... take each day at a time. This process can be a long one.
I also decided that I needed to set some new goals for myself. I like making goals! I do really well with goal setting, especially when I make them public & have accountability. (These will be divided into categories)
November Goals-
Spiritual:
-Spend 30 minutes in the word every day
-Tithe
Social-
-Find a small group at another church to attend
-Introduce myself to at least one person at my gym
Health/Wellness:
-Limit sweet treats to a 3x's a week
-Get down to a 10 minute mile
General Self-Care:
-Write 5 positive affirmations about myself each day
For those of you who may not know, I am in the midst of applying to be a Salvation Army Officer. For all my non-Sallie friends, a Salvation Army officer is an ordained pastor in The Salvation Army church. (Don't give me that look like you didn't know that The Salvation Army was a church!) This weekend was the most intense part of the process. I had an interview with the LCSW who is in charge of the Coaching Action Program (CAP)(or does the P in CAP stand for Plan... not sure... it was a long weekend!). I took some psychological evals and had an interview with another psychologist.
Getting this stuff over with was important and gave me some new insight; however, God spoke to me this weekend. He reminded me of many different things but I will only take time to highlight a few.
1) He told me to start tithing again. There is a reason why I wasn't tithing and I felt it was what the Lord wanted me to do at the time but that is over. It's a very very scary thing for me to do but I will do it! I will be obedient.
2) I was reminded that my Savior can move mountains. I have a HUGE mountain standing in my way and He is going to move it! I believe it with all my heart! This is probably the boldest thing I've ever asked God to do. It gives me chills thinking about it.
3) I like stability and planning out my life. I get anxious and worried when my life is all up in the air. Now that I got this stuff done, this is becoming real to me. It will be easy for me to start worrying about the process and freak out. But I need to live in the moment... take each day at a time. This process can be a long one.
I also decided that I needed to set some new goals for myself. I like making goals! I do really well with goal setting, especially when I make them public & have accountability. (These will be divided into categories)
November Goals-
Spiritual:
-Spend 30 minutes in the word every day
-Tithe
Social-
-Find a small group at another church to attend
-Introduce myself to at least one person at my gym
Health/Wellness:
-Limit sweet treats to a 3x's a week
-Get down to a 10 minute mile
General Self-Care:
-Write 5 positive affirmations about myself each day
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