The Words of my Mouth

Picture this...
The day before Thanksgiving break. Only one class left before I can take off for a nice break from school. Normally this would be an opportunity to utilize one my skips just so I could head home early. However, on this day I had to teach the class. Class: Senior Seminar Class Size: Normally 9 but due to the upcoming holiday, 5. Topic: I can't even remember. What I do remember? Sitting in my dorm room closet, panicking and trying to calm my breathing. By the grace of God, I got through that presentation. I'm not sure how but I did.

That wasn't the first or last time I freaked out about speaking and/or reading in front of the class. So you can imagine why I'm still baffled that God has called me to do something that involves speaking in front of people. I never really had this problem when speaking to children or youth. It only manifests when I have to speak in front of peers or adults.

Thankfully, things have gotten better. Today when I stood up to deliver the message I didn't cry or panic. Even though I know I'm sharing God's Word, I still stand there in a bit of fear. I worry that the words out of my mouth will be horrible. I feel unworthy to stand in the pulpit. I hate that people are looking at me. The focus shouldn't be on me... it should be on the Cross.

Even with all these insecurities, I know that God is still going to use me. The process isn't easy for me and may scare me but God has called me to do it! I will continue to pray that He will strengthen me. (And that he gives me a spouse who enjoys preaching so I won't have to do it all the time....)